Father’s Day happened some weeks ago and seeing how fathers were being acknowledged and celebrated for the roles they play is definitely to be admired. But do we participate just to keep up with the novelty surrounding the date itself? Since then, when have you celebrated your father, dad, pops, pa, old man?

Growing up, Father’s Day was never really celebrated in my household, my guess is that it just wasn’t a big deal for a man to be taking care of his responsibilities. My old man (as I call him) was never really one for sensitive/ emotional conversations (that was my mum) but always encouraged me to be independent and to finish anything I start. His ultimate role was to provide financially, keep a roof over our heads, make sure I got good education and if my behaviour was out of line, he would step in (when required). I’m sure this was the case in most households, especially if this way of living was culturally influenced. In my adult life, his role and outlook has massively changed (I think being a grandad has humbled him……….). I have really grown to appreciate and respect that through many struggles and sacrifices my old man did what was within his capacity to raise me based on how he was raised culturally, his beliefs, principles and exposure…..…..that I will always celebrate.

In recent years there has been a rise in fathers doing more than just ‘bringing home the bacon’ or being involved in straightening out bad/ unruly behaviour! Is this due to fathers realising that their presence needs to be more than just financial, is it because mothers are demanding more support or is it societal factors?

I would simply put it down to modern day living which is increasingly more time consuming and one person doing it all would generally find it arduous. We as a generation are a lot more open and receptive to change than previous generations which has influenced the way in which we run our households. This influence has assisted in reshaping the role of fathers by raising the standards and encouraging emotional, nurturing and domesticated behaviours in the home. Not to say these qualities did not exist amongst fathers in previous generations, it just wasn’t embraced due to the societal expectations placed on men being ‘macho’.

Single fathers are often able to demonstrate these qualities without being asked or reminded and with the increase in ‘stay at home dads’/ ‘house husbands’ these should not be the only circumstances in which fathers demonstrate these qualities freely.

Raising the father standards

This in my opinion simply means (but not limited to):

• being able to provide for your child in the same way a mother would/ is expected to
• jointly caring for and raising your child with the mother, whether planned or not your child is your responsibility
• being available and fully present to understand, support, encourage and coach your child, not just turning up as the proud father when your child has achieved something
• being consistent and genuine with your child

Understanding that some of the above may work better when both parents are in the same home nevertheless, they are still practical even if the child/ren do not stay with you. These examples should also not be limited to the home but applicable within their surroundings wherever possible. How children grow into adults a lot of time is heavily influenced by upbringing and surroundings.

Yes, it can be very challenging to fit ‘doing more’ into the already busy schedule that life throws at us and you don’t have to do it all………..but fully commit to whatever you can/ choose to do with your child and be genuine about it.

There will be many reasons why some fathers cannot be present or involved in their child/ren’s life/ lives and that’s ok. Whatever the reason, make sure it is always in the best interest of the child/ren.

A friend once told me ‘I hated my father for a long time because he was not around, I never understood why and my mother never talked badly of him. In later years when I confronted him, I couldn’t see any good reason as to why he couldn’t be present seeing that he had fathered more children after me. The last thing I ever want is for my child to hate me! Hatred is not a pleasant feeling to harbour. I will do whatever is within my power to give my child the best experience in life’.

I am in no way shape or form a parenting expert, however I do strongly believe that ‘when we know better, we should always do better’. It’s easy to self-compare to those not doing so much to make ourselves feel better but let’s be encouraged and inspired by those who go over and beyond (yes………. they exist).

Don’t just be a father in reproductive term, be an endearing form that is approachable, loving, affectionate and caring. The lives you create will likely have an impact on your close/ extended family as well as society and maybe the world while you are still on this earth and when you are long gone!

So, what is my actual point you may ask……….

Let us continue to recognise and celebrate the credible fathers that are present, participating and positively influencing their child/ren’s lives, not only on Father’s Day but as often as possible to show genuine appreciation for their efforts so that they are encouraged to keep doing more.

Fathers (and those yet to be), don’t wait to be asked, prompted, encouraged or celebrated to be someone’s dad, pops, pa or old man! Always have in mind the type/s of people you want to raise/ leave behind in this world, what positive role/s you can play in the lives of the children around you and most importantly be the credible father you either already have or always wanted to your child.

When your influence is positive, educational and lifechanging, you will be continuously celebrated, even when you are not present.

Yem’s Corner

Share your opinions/ stories/ ideas of what raising the father standards mean to you and how you continuously celebrate your father.